Funny Mother Daughter Jokes, Funny Kid jokes: Colour

Daughter: I don't like spinach.

Mother: Eat them. They will bring some colour to your cheek.

Daughter: But mom, who wants green cheeks!!

Funny Teacher Student Jokes

Teacher: Ram, join these sentences. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.

Ram: I saw a dead body cycling to school!!

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Teacher: Ram, how many feet are there in a yard?

Ram: Well, it depends on how many people are there in that yard!!

Asin in Trouble, Asin Faces Ban

Asin is in trouble and she is not atall happy. M.S. Dhoni's marriage may have put to an end to rumours of their alleged relationship, but South Indian beauty Asin, currently busy in Sri Lanka shooting for Anees Bazmee's Ready (remake of the Telugu hit Ready) with Salman Khan, is still in unhappy and in trouble. Why? A decision on her ban is expected from the South Indian Film Artistes' Association in a couple of days in Chennai. "I'm truly upset that certain political groups in Tamil Nadu are targetting me for my decision to shoot a film in Sri Lanka. How can I be targeted for this decision? Ready was supposed to be shot in Mauritius, Thailand and then, Goa. Till a few days before the shoot, I didn't even know the final destination. When I heard it was Sri Lanka, I did express my concern to the producer and the director. While they understood my predicament, they too couldn't change the shooting location because things had already been planned, she said to a leading English daily. "Art should not be politicised and actors shouldn't be made to bear the brunt of political animosity because we are truly ambassadors of peace. I'm making an effort to reach out to the troubled Tamil community in Sri Lanka and I think by being in their midst, I'm bringing a smile to their faces. I just hope others see this as a peace-building exercise," she added. Now it would be interesting to see how SIFCC reacts to Asin's Kollywood film Kaavalkaran with Vijay!

Somam Kapoor- The Elegant Beauty, Somam Kapoor And Her Movies

Sonam Kapoor has begun to understand the nuances of movie business rather well. After witnessing the box office debacle of her two big-budget movies, Sonam has realised it is wiser to do small budget films like her forthcoming 'I Hate Luv Storys'. 'I decided let's go the other way. Quite a few seasoned directors offered me films. When you work with Sanjay Bhansali ('Saawariya') and Rakeysh Mehra ('Delhi 6'), the audience expects so much from you. I think films don't fail, budgets fail. For example 'Saawariya' broke even, but it was neither a hit nor a flop. Had it been made in say Rs.15 crore or less, it would have been a hit. So I thought let me try doing films of lesser budget.'After debuting with Bhansali's 'Saawariya' (2007) and then doing another seasoned director Mehra's 'Delhi-6', Sonam had to convince herself to work with first-time director Punit Malhotra in 'I Hate Luv Storys', which also stars Imran Khan in the male lead.'When Punit came to me, I thought he is such a good-looking guy, he should be into acting, why he is directing. When I saw that he has written the script and dialogue all by himself, I thought this guy has something in him. When he was speaking about the characters, he was very specific about what he wants,' she said. 'I found that he has worked as assistant director for 10 years. He knows the technical elements and he has his own point of view. I thought he is not a bad guy to work with. I also wanted to work with Imran and we both were his first choice,' she added. In three years Sonam has had just two releases. Asked about it, she said: 'I believe in quality and I believe if you don't saturate yourself you can't be creative.' 'I Hate Luv Storys' is a romance saga. It revolves around two people who are completely opposite when it comes to finding true love. While Imran's character Jay doesn't believe in love, Simran, played by Sonam, swears by it and is quite filmy when it comes to love. Sonam has no qualms in accepting that her actor father Anil Kapoor's reputation in the industry has helped.'I have my dad's experience behind me. I am his daughter not son; so there is not much comparison. People have too much respect for him and he holds a good reputation. So people think that an apple can't fall too far from the tree, and she may be good as her father and I get work. I have no qualms in accepting that it's all because of my dad,' said Sonam. 'My parents are very honest in showing me my shortfalls. They have always guided me on what to do and what not to do. They told me not to get into the rat race because there you need to do lots of manipulation. And I am keeping up with that. My dad is very proud of me.' After 'I Hate Luv Storys', Sonam will be seen in her home production 'Aisha' and Pankaj Kapoor's 'Mausam'.
Best of luck Sonam!

Aruna Shields- The Bare Babe

After Bollywood hotties like Nandana Sen and Sherlyn Chopra, the newcomer Aruna Sheilds is next to bare it all in front of the camera! Aruna Shields, who made her debut in bollywood with PRINCE alongside Vivek Oberoi, is creating huge waves for her new film MR SINGH MRS MEHTA. As the bold actress will be seen posing nude for a particular sequence in the movie. Just like Hollywood actress Kate Winslet did in supremely successful film TITANIC, Aruna plays muse for a nude painting, and that is her turning point. For a girl who is trapped in middle class morality, to reach a point where she not only poses naked in front of a man who is not her husband but also doesn't care what the world will think when the painting becomes publicAruna Shields has gone for a complete image makeover with her new film MR SINGH MRS MEHTA, which releases on June 25. From a desi Bond babe, Shields has transformed herself into a girl-next-door from a small town in this film. Shields plays Neera Singh, an agony aunt columnist who discovers her husband is cheating on her. Also starring Prashant Narayanan, another Brit Asian actress Lucy Hassan and Naved Aslam, the film is written and directed by Pravesh Bhardwaj and produced by Manu S Kumaran and Tutu Sharma. MR SINGH MRS MEHTA is the story of Ashwin Mehta (Prashant Narayanan) and Neera Singh (Aruna Shields) who find that their spouses are having an affair. Drawn together by shame and anger, they find comfort in their growing friendship, even as they resolve not to be like their unfaithful mates. MR SINGH MRS MEHTA also marks the debut of world renowned sitarist and Grammy nominated artist Ustaad Shujaat Husain Khan as a music composer.

Unlike other foreign actresses who end up being one-film-wonders in Bollywood, with Mr Singh Mrs Mehta, Aruna Shields is definitely here to stay.

Bipasha Basu and Kareena Kapoor- Strange Relationship

Its a common belief there is no love lost between Bips and Bebo after their nasty cat-fight in sets of 'Aajnabi' where Kareena told Bips 'Kali Billi' (rumour of course!). But as they say, life and cricket- both are a funny game. Now the world is all curious to know about the leeeennnngggghty conversation between the former rivals turned pals: Bebo and Bips. It seems that Bebo extended the olive branch to Bips at the Sri Lanka IIFA party. And while they chatted nineteen, sorry, ninety to the dozen, word has it… that there was little reference to a fitness DVD or size zero! Instead, the two complimented each other profusely on how terrific they looked.

And their chat, spicy and nice, was all…. girlie talk only. And strictly meant for their celeb ears only!

Golden Rules of Love and S ex, Laws of S ex and Love

There are some golden rules of love and s ex. Go through it!

* When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

* Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

* The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.

* It is always the wrong time of the month.

* The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

* When the lights are out, all woman are beautiful.

* S ex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.

* The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.

* It is not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

*Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.

* There may be some things better than s ex, and some things worse than s ex. But there is nothing exactly like s ex.

* Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.

* If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.

* Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of of physics.

* S ex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

* You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine woman.

*Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

* Thou shalt not commit adultery.... unless in the mood.

* Abstain from wine, woman, and song; mostly song.

* Never ague with a woman when she's tired -- or rested.

* A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the woman he couldn't.

* It is better to be looked over than over looked.

* Never say 'NO'.

* A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.

* Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.

* S ex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.

* Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

* There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

* Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

Love Making- Is It good For Heart, Love and Heart

After a heart attack, many of our activities get restricted mostly due to the fear of another attack. Most heart attack survivors avoid se x because they fear it will trigger another attack. But a recent study suggests that se x is good for the heart - even after a heart attack. Researchers say that it is a myth that se x is a dangerous activity for heart patients. 'The likelihood of dying during sexual intercourse, even among people who have had a heart attack, is really small' Dr. Stacy Lindau of the University of Chicago stated. Researchers reported at the American Heart Association's Forum on Quality of Care and Outcomes Research in Cardiovascular Disease and Stroke that many people pointlessly become prudes after surviving a heart attack. A third of men and 60 percent of women abstained the year after a heart attack Most doctors consider se x safe once the patient is feeling up for moderate exercise, for sexual activity is nothing but a moderate physical activity. Doctors, patients and their loved ones should proactively bring up questions about se x.
The ultimate goal is to restore people's total health. Not only by minimizing the risk of the next heart attack but also by maximizing quality of life.

Some Common Mistakes We Do During Weight Loss Schedule

There are several weight loss 'spoilers' in our lives - things we inadvertently do that stop us from losing weight and send us to the brink of frustration.

Here is a list of some of the common mistakes people make whilst on a weight loss programme.

* Starving during the day and eating at night: This is the biggest blunder you can make. Our metabolism works to digest food and give us energy during the day while we are awake. As night falls and we go to sleep, the metabolic state lowers. The body, which during the day had transported energy to the muscles and liver for thinking and action, now diverts this energy to fat storage. If you really want to lose weight, it's best to eat during the day and restrict your eating at night.

* Consuming hidden sugar: When people talk about not using sugar, they are usually referring to table sugar, used in tea/coffee. What they forget is the sugar found in mouth fresheners, gums, churans, ketchup, fruit juices et al. Though they may not taste sweet, many products contain sugar to improve their taste.

* Consuming diet products: Here's the diet food paradox - people who eat diet foods generally forget to eat them in moderation. Instead they cross the limits and end up sabotaging their diet plan.

* Using too much artificial sweetener: Artificial sweeteners are meant to be consumed in very small quantities, but most people on diets tend to use them too much. A simple diet drink is your total quota of sweetener allowed for the day. Anything more is excess and interferes in metabolic pathways.

* Not keeping track of the munchies: We all munch a little bit when we come back home from work or elsewhere. A bit of biscuit, a half piece of mithai, a few kajus here and there. If we add all this up, however, we will realise that it totals to a substantial amount. Keeping a diet diary is the biggest favour you can do to yourself if you sincerely want to lose weight.

* Not eating the foods that suit your body: I remember meeting a lady who ate only curd and fruits to lose weight. When she came to us, she was going crazy because the diet just did not work. On analysing her prakriti, doctors realised that she was a kapha predominant person. Curd and all dairy products are heavy on kapha and because the food was unsuitable for her prakriti, she was unable to lose weight.

* Not drinking enough water/drinking with meals: Drinking water along with meals leads to indigestion and obesity. Also if you don't drink enough water, the channels will not open up to flush fat away from the system after catabolic metabolism.

We have to remember that doing exercise is not enough, but doing it the right way is a must!

Saif Ali Khan in and as Agent Vinod, Brand Saifina

Saif Ali Khan's growing his beard and hair for 'Agent Vinod' and what's better, he's crowing about it too. Says Khan quiped in a tabloid chat, that he hasen't decided on the final 'look', but it will be quite realistic and will also project a very different side of him. His venture is slated to be replete with plenty of power packed action and high speed action sequences. Furthermore, his luscious costar and love interest too will pack in some high voltage punches too.
"Kareena and I have a lot of fights," reveals Saif. "But it's only in the film."
Real good one to be true!!

Shah Rukh and Akshay Kumar Together For Once, Shah Rukh Khan Greets Akshay Kumar

Shah Rukh Khan has made Akshay Stunned! Action king Akshay Kumar practically flabbergasted when he received a texted message from Shah Rukh Khan congratulating him on his performance in 'Housefull.' Reportedly, SRK had a special screening of the Sajid Khan flick at Mannat, and thoroughly enjoyed the hilarious flick. Wanting to shower praise on Akki, SRK didn't hesitate to SMS him. Says a close source, that Akshay was moved by SRK's warmth. He immediately replied to Khan and thanked him profusely. Responding warmly, Akki took matters further by sending across a fancy pricey gift from spouse Twinkle's designer store to 'Mannat'.
Guess, it's just token appreciation but actually it could make the two superstars come closer!

Kites- The Pre-release Hype and Excitement Growing

Just few days are left before the release of the much waited film 'Kites" and the excitement is growing. Hrithik Roshan starrer Kites just can't keep out of trouble. A week before the release of the Rs 150 crore film, producer Rakesh Roshan faces allegations of copyright infringement.
On Monday, a Bihar Civil Court ordered a stay on the film's release after a person named Laxmi Prasad, of Sunbeam Holdings, claimed that Roshan owes him Rs 10 crore, allegedly for the copyright of the action scenes in the film. Talking to HT City, a baffled Roshan said he's never heard of this man before. "I have no idea who this guy is. He lives in some village in Bihar and claims that he has the copyright for the action of my film.
How is it even possible? The action director of our film is Hollywood-based Spiro Razatos. There is absolutely no truth in this. My legal advisors are looking into the matter and the team is flying to Bihar today (Tuesday) and I hope the matter is resolved soon." Rubbishing rumours that Roshan agreed for an out-of-court settlement and will pay Prasad Rs 5 crore now, Roshan says, that I have never heard from him nor I have ever met him or spoken to him for any sort of negotiation. Asked if the stay order will affect the film's release, Roshan says, absolutely not. The film will definitely release as per schedule. When contacted, the spokesperson for distributors Reliance Big Pictures, while acknowledging that there's legal trouble, said, that we cannot comment as the matter is sub-judicate.

How To Attract Your Partner, Six Tips to Attract Your Partner

Wanna add some more spices to your conjugal life? Here are some tips.

1.
Stroke your partner’s ego. Pay sincere compliments that matter to your partner without having to be provoked to do so. Let your partner know that you notice and appreciate their efforts at the gym or with their new hairstyle. Since the physical aspects of se xual arousal are routinely covered, it is extremely important to let your partner know that you see them as a unique individual and that they hold a special place in your heart. Expressing to your partner know how much you feel for them will lay the groundwork for sustained positive feelings and increased se xual arousal and desire.
2.
Keep your partner’s wishes in mind. Your goal should be to please your partner and not to satisfy your own se xual needs. Focus on the ways your partner likes to be approached and romanced. Realize that your actions will readily contribute to your partner’s reactions. It may ruin the moment if your partner feels like you’re attempting to make them se xually aroused for personal gain. Make your partner feel like their enjoyment is your top priority to receive better results from your attempts. Now is the time to act on the techniques you know will push all of your partner’s se xual buttons.
3.
Use enticing body language. Your partner should feel like your every action and movement is a calculated attempt to give them pleasure. Since body language is a great indicator of true emotions and intentions, take the time to give your partner a sneak preview of the coming attraction. Look deeply into you partner’s eyes while motioning them to come closer to you. Use your lips and hands to blow kisses as you slowly take control of your partner’s mind and se xual arousal. This applies from the moment you interact with your partner.
4.
Set the proper mood. Enhance your partner's se xual arousal and experience by taking the time to prepare for the session. For example, music, candles, and flowers can add to the ambiance you seek to create without taking time away from your partner. Making your partner feel special will also add to the se xual arousal that they will feel knowing that you took extra time to prepare.
5.
Make your partner wait. Anticipation is often the substance that memorable experiences are made of. Know that se xual arousal can be as much a mental experience as a physical experience. Tap into your partner’s imagination by letting their mind anticipate your next move. Whisper your intentions into your partner’s ear while on the car ride home to allow your plans to materialize. Keep your partner waiting until the moment you choose to allow for relaxation.
6.
Unleash the unexpected. While it is important to focus on things you know your partners likes, it is still necessary to unlock desires they never knew they had. Keep the se xual passions fresh by introducing new looks, touches and emotions for your partner‘s enjoyment. Doing things out of character will also force you to find new ways to interact with your partner and keep both of you longing for the next se xual encounter. Surprise your partner after a long day at work with a soothing bath or a home cooked meal. Remember that se xual arousal involves emotions and not just physical touch. When your partner feels loved, they are more likely to want to reciprocate those feelings.

Give some thoughts and it'll be never too late before you start!

Cocktail Recipi for Any Occasion, Delecious Cocktail Recipi

Want to throw a party at your residence during new year or valentine day! Here is a juicy cocktail recipe for you.

Ingredients:

* Star anise+lily+vodka

* Grey goose: 60 ml

* Fresh Californian plum: 1


* Fresh pomegranate seeds - 10/1

* Star anise: 1

* Lily essence: 15 ml


Mixology:

Muddle the fresh pomegranate, plum and star anise with vodka and lily essence. Serve over crushed ice. Garnish with star anise and fresh pink lily petals.

Celebration With Cocktail, Coctail for Any Occasion- Happy New Year or Valentine's Day

Raise a toast to any occasion: may it be New Year, may it be Valentine's Day too.

Ingredients:

* Tequila- 45 ml

* Kiwi Liqueur- 15 ml

* Lime Juice- 15 ml

* Sugar Cubes- 2

* Apple Juice- 30 ml

* Fresh Kiwi- 1/2

Mixology:

Muddle the ingredients and shake well. Garnish it with three kiwi slices and an orchid.

Shiv Sena Slams Shah Rukh Khan, Shiv Sena Slams Amir Khan

Shiv Sena chief Bala Sahab Thackeray has asked Bollywood star Shah Rukh Khan to folow the iconic actor Amitabh Bachchan, as Khan recently expressed his support to Pakistani cricketers' inclusion in the Indian Premier League's season 3. Shah Rukh Khan owns an IPL (Indian Premier League) franchise team, the Kolkata Knight Riders. Sharing Bal Thackeray's views in appreciation of Bachchan, Shiv Sena spokesperson Sanjay Raut said that Amitabh Bachchan had declined to accept the award of Brisbane University because it was nation's sentiment in the wake of unending violence against Indian students in Australia. Thackeray's opnion were expressed through an article in his party's mouthpiece "Saamna." In 2009, Amitabh Bachhan refused to accept an honorary Doctorate being conferred by Queen's Land University of Technology Brisbane as a mark of protest against the attacks on members of the Indian community. After targeting Bollywood superstar Shah Rukh Khan for his remarks supporting the inclusion of Pakistani cricketers in the IPL, the Shiv Sena Saturday dragged in Aamir Khan, calling the duo '2 Idiots'. In real life, Aamir and Shah Rukh have been proved as '2 Idiots' as both are making stupid statements supporting the cause of Pakistani cricketers,' said a statement in the party's Hindi mouthpiece Dopahar Ka Saamna. On the one hand, while SRK is openly displaying his love for Pakistani players, Aamir has even put nationalistic sentiments in his utterances on this issue said the statement in the tabloid. According to Aamir, if any cricketer is good, he would like to have him in his team, it makes no difference to him which country he belongs to. The statement is accompanied by a digitally altered cartoon picture of the recent record blockbuster '3 Idiots'. It shows the head of Aamir (the star and promoter of the movie) popping out of a drum and SRK sticking his tongue from another drum - signifying the accompanying heading of '2 Idiots'.The Shiv Sena Friday hit out at Shah Rukh, who is also the Kolkata Knight Riders co-owner, after he said he would have picked a Pakistani player for IPL matches if his team had a slot. Shiv Sena Rajya Sabha MP Sanjay Raut said that if the actor was so keen on them, he could go play his matches in Lahore, not in India. Thane Shiv Sena leader Eknath Shinde announced that no film of Shah Rukh would be screened in the district. Both actors have not made any comment to the Shiv Sena's attack.

Juicy Cocktail for Any Occasion- New Year or Valentine's Day

Raise a toast to any occasion: may it be New Year, may it be Valentine's Day too.

Ingredients:

* Tanquaray gin- 60 ml

* Elderflower cordial- 20 ml

* Aged balsamic vinegar- 5 drops

Mixology:

Add all the ingredients to a Boston glass and stir for 15 seconds, double strain into a chilled martini glass. Garnish it with the cocktail onion( Don't forget to wash the onion first to remove the brine)

Cocktail to Celebrate Happy New Year, Cocktail to Celebrate Valentine's Day

Raise a toast to new year. Raise a toast for Valentine's Day also.

Ingredients:

* Fresh pomegranate- 1/2

* Fresh lime- 15 ml

* Vodka 60 ml

Mixology:

Muddle the fresh pomegranate with lime and vodka. Shake well and serve it in a chilled martini glass.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie- Are They Really splitting

There are lots of rumor whether Brangelina are on the verge of seperation. There are other rumors also. Hollywood star couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are not splitting, say sources close to them. According to People magazine, people close to the Jolie-Pitt family have rubbished all the rumors and insists that they are totally baseless. On the contrary, everything is fine. Earlier British tabloid newspaper News of the World had reported that the couple, who met on the set of Mr and Mrs Smith in 2004, had reportedly signed a deal to split their US330 million dollars fortune. The separation rumours took off after Pitt failed to attend Saturday's Screen Actors Guild Awards, where his film Inglourious Basterds picked up the award for best ensemble cast and Brad had attended a function to help the people suffered in the earthquake of Haity alone without his partner Angelina.What's the truth- we have to wait and see!(ANI)

Cocktail to Celebrate New Year, Happy New Year- Celebrate it with Cocktail

A new year is coming. All the sorrow and sufferings of the the past year is gone. The cherry afloat the bubbly champagne symbolizes the human spirit rising, and the melting sugar cube resembles misery passing out from our lives.

Ingredients:

* Pernod: 30 ml
* Champagne to top of the glass
* Sugar cube: 1
* A fresh cherry to garnish

Mixology:

Take a chilled champagne flute, add a cube of sugar, pour pernod, top up with champaagne.
Garnish with a fresh cherry and serve.

Do Exercises and Stay Healthy, No Excuse-Do Exercise

Exercise is of immense importance to stay healthy. We all know it, still we manufacture some excuses not to do it:

1. Too busy to exercise

The most commonly used excuse. But it's a matter of priorities. Can't we really squeeze in three 20-minute sessions a week? What are we giving a higher priority to than our health? Watching TV?Working non-stop? It's just a question of determination.

2. Exercises don't work

It really depends on what we expect. One can't turn into a Slim Jim overnight, but exercises do burn calories. Again one won't get a super-toned body after one session in the gym. We simply can't look at workouts as an instant cure for years of overeating and neglecting our body. Regular exercise helps prevent diseases heart attacks, strokes and diabetes.

3. It's monotonous.

If one find the idea of spending hours mindlessly on a machine down at the gym, he/she better forget it. Look around instead for something one would love to do but just haven't got around to. Try tennis or golf, salsa-dancing or yoga--something that will spark the enthusiasm.

4. Just don't want to be seen in skimpy gear

In that case, why don't just walking? It's the ultimate "nonexercise exercise". We can do it anywhere and don't need to wear special clothes other than comfortable shoes.

5. Too old to do it

We are never too old to walk. Several medical studies have shown that taking up a moderate exercise programme, such as walking, can help prevent major diseases at any age. Walkers live longer and walking regularly keeps our body flexible and our mind lucid in old age.

6. It is tiring or hurts

If an activity doesn't feel good, don't do it. Listen to body and choose an activity or a class with care. Injuries can result if one do too much too soon. Remember, one has to shape up gently.

What are you waiting for? Just go for it and you will feel good!